Spooney Wearever Blog

Our society is driven by consumers who want to turn the clock back, juxtaposed by the younger generation who would all but sell their soul to look older. No amount of make-up, Botox, hair-dye, or personal training can diminish the actual number of years you have lived (and are still fortunate to continue to be living), for YOU will always know your true age. Why is it then that we are so stuck on trying to fool others on a simple number that doesn’t determine our beauty, brain size capacity, or brawn?

Yes, there are the vanity purposes of constantly trying to outdo others in our style, but there a deeper issue at hand that reflects the lower self-esteem and higher insecurity of women nowadays then in decades past. With the media, cultural icons, and societal pressures all pushing for “anti-aging,” “rejuvenating,” or “age-diminishing” paths in the cosmetics, apparel, and food industries, it doesn’t surprise me that women begin to lose sight of their own opinions and personal preferences due to the thousands of other voices that are telling them all to go down a different “yellow brick road.”

It is rare that I am not confronted by these “younger” ideals be it on magazine covers at the grocery store, on morning talk shows as I drink my coffee, or simply strolling downtown and see the different age groups of women that are all attempting to lump themselves into the same numeric category. Women in their sixties wearing babydoll dresses and more make-up then Las Vegas showgirls, and ladies in their thirties who smile and not a wrinkle appears across their forehead, around their mouth, or nose to signify the muscle use it takes to express emotions.

After seeing women turn themselves into theatrical characters I decided to step-back and analyze who it is that is benefiting from this movement and the possible causes that led us to get where we are today. With divorces rising faster than our oil prices, out of wedlock childbirths becoming more popular than a broken-down Britney on the cover of tabloids, and the gradual focus of society shifting from economic status to appearance pass-off, it is little wonder women have sunken to the new levels of low. Low in self-esteem, feelings of helplessness, and unworthiness are all the byproducts of circumstance. Branders and key marketing consultants our drooling over each other at the “golden-key” opportunity we have opened open in the consumer world. Due to women marrying late, trying to re-marry again, or attempting to claim the outranking new position from their corporate male counterpart, females are doing whatever it takes to outshine one another.

The acrylic, French manicured, claws are out and ready for battle, but behind each of these ferocious “Madison Avenue wannabes” is an Ambien prescription, Prozac daily supplement, and weekly therapy session to be told they are capable, beautiful and competent individuals. The necks, faces, eyes, stomachs, and various other body parts of women have been pulled more frequently and tighter than most rowing machines will experience in their fitness center lifetimes. While some call this changing with society, and keeping up with the trends, I simply see it as a downward spiral into a less-worthy and more pathetic ranking on the totem pole then where some of the greatest females of our time and previous generations worked so hard to earn our spot. One hundred years ago we were barely able to vote, let alone think of being presidents of corporations, successful entrepreneurs, or land-owners for that matter. Give us another hundred years and if we haven’t figured out a way to turn ourselves into electronic robots we will have killed off our own species by the amount of self-destruction we are incurring and creating for one another.

Look at yourself in the mirror and see your wrinkles not as your enemy but as the road map to where you have gotten in life. Each line represents an enjoyed laugh, concentrated effort you put forth in your professional or home life to make a difference, and serves as reminder to you as each additional year that you have been bestowed, an item more priceless than all the rest. Let your hair become gray, silver, or white and serve as your own award for success; recognition that you have the confidence, self-esteem, and inner peace to take pride in who YOU are and not who you can mold yourself to be like. It is always hardest to be the brightest and most recognizable feather, but what fun is it to be just another tree in a forest?

Take pride in yourself, your accomplishments, and all that you have and will continue to achieve with each passing year. A climbing number, wrinkle, or patch of sagging skin, does not define the person you portray unless you let these characteristics overpower you. Be bold, face the current, and ride out the rip-tide. For if you lie on your back and float above water you won’t be sucked under by the nagging forces. In her song “The Story,” Brandi Carlile wrote:

“All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am…”

I cannot remember the number of times I heard someone recite to me the lines of Robert Frost, “Two roads diverged in the woods, and I– I took the one less traveled by, and that is what made all the difference.” A friend of mine has a painting that hangs on his wall of a lake on the right, beautiful evergreens surrounding the banks, and a dirt path to the left that leads into the woods where the afternoon sun shines bright. I mentioned to him how disturbing this portrait was to me and how every time I looked at it couldn’t help but feel as though it stood for all the opportunities missed and challenges I’ve passed up in my life by taking the paved not dirt road. Thomas looked back at me in a baffled expression and said that everyone who sees it talks about what a serene and peaceful landscape the painting represents.

We both laughed at my polar opposite reaction, but I couldn’t shake the thoughts that I had in comparison to others who saw the supposedly tranquil scene. I am the first to admit that I do not strive for a 100% perfection in my life, I expect it. I have Mount Kilimanjaro expectations for myself, those around me, and am constantly figuring out the best way to achieve the most successful results in any and all of life’s circumstances.

If we expect so much of ourselves, friends, family, and coworkers then we are only setting ourselves up to be let down by the unpredictable nature of unforeseen obstacles. Adaptation and acceptance are the two words that I try to repeat and remind myself the importance of on a daily basis, but like any type-A person I still in the back of mind keep gunning for the ideal turn-out.

These last couple months have taught me about myself, my desires, and what it is that makes happiness clock tick. Moving to a new city where I didn’t know a soul I expected to establish a routine lifestyle, network of supportive friends and loyal confidants, but was thrown off by the lack of control I have over this unknown mathematical equation. Sure I meet tons of people in coffee shops, at the gym, in the grocery store, but you don’t just form an instant kinship with these people. Having been blessed with wonderful friends throughout my life thus far I had somewhat taken for granted the lack of effort I had to put into meeting new people. Robert Frost would make it seem like I was opening myself up to golden opportunity, which would supposedly “make all the difference,” but just like the outdoor landscape that disturbed me years ago I am uneasy in the new and virgin territory that lies ahead of me.

Wrestling with my angst, frustration, and mild irritation at the lack of instant gratification I have received I realized that perhaps the problem wasn’t in the type of trail I was walking, or the shoes that I was hiking in, but the attitude I hold as I blaze my own path. If I start out on a hike with every rest-stop planned, animal sighting plotted, and exact time of arrival at the peak, I will miss all the beauty of that which I am not looking for, or expecting to find/see. Just like the hike, I had pre-planned and envisioned an unrealistic forecast for my personal and professional growth in a new city. The Redwood, one of the sturdiest and longest living trees do not sprout up over night, but rather gains height, defining marks of uniqueness, and firmly planted roots only through the course of decades and sometimes centuries of time. Who am I to think that I can expect and deserve to receive “the perfect” outcome? Besides, I become increasingly more aware that perfection is boring and flaws are what make us stand-out, set us apart, and open us up to new potential.

Each morning I roll out of bed starting over, with new tasks to be filled, plenty of chances to be ecstatic with achievement, dismayed by imperfection, and humored by the uniting force that bonds us all as humans…choice. I set the standards for my happiness (be them too low, too high, or somewhere in the middle), I decide which type of road I take and I set the pace for which I travel. Jet-setting might be right for certain aspects along my journey, but at the moment I have decided to take a more leisurely and forgiving pace-somewhere between the open-minded gait of a window-shopper, the care-free stroll on a beach, and when the time calls for it an enjoyable jog in Central Park.

For once I look forward to going back to revisit the painting, which for so long left me filling unfulfilled and borderline stressed, but now has inspired me to change my own life landscape and be prepared for the road less traveled, which like Frost I feel certain will an can make all the difference. Pride yourself on your abilities, stay confident in who you are and what you believe, but consistently allow yourself to look across the lake and see what might exist if you build a bridge to crossover and seek a new trail to blaze.

Tomorrow night President Bush will stand before Congress to give his last State of the Union address, which will mark only the eighth time in history a president has known it will be his final address to the nation.  With his presidency ending, and his second term in office up next January, many do not know what path his speech will take, or emotional front he will deliver.  Some presidents chose to send their annual addresses in written form, like Thomas Jefferson, who set this standard until Woodrow Wilson took office and resumed the practice of speaking in person in 1913.  Bush will most likely reflect on his seven years in office thus far, his remaining year manning the helm, and his hopes and aspirations for a nation he has gotten to know both inside and out.  Scanning through past speeches I came across one Harry Truman gave on January 7, 1953.  His eloquent words, simple yet truthful statements, and patriotic ending seemed both timeless and worth sharing.  Still today much of what Truman said holds true and makes you wonder if we have moved forward as a nation in the past half century. 

 “The nation’s business is never finished.  The basic questions we have been dealing with, these eight years past, present themselves anew.  That is the way of our society.  Circumstances change and current questions take on different forms, new complications, year by year.  But underneath, the great issues remain the same: prosperity, welfare, human rights, effective democracy and, above all, peace.  Now we turn to the inaugural of our new president.  And in the great work he is called upon to do he will have need for the support of a united people, a confident people, with firm faith in one another and in our common cause.  I pledge him my support as a citizen of our republic, and I ask you to give him yours.

Setting up shop in my showroom in Atlanta I began arranging my spring line sheets, decorative graphic art pamphlets, and Spooney booklets in an artistic yet eye-catching pattern on the bland white table I had been bestowed. As I stared down rather proud of my kindergarten accomplishment I began to wonder if I was heading down the sales path of the Tupperware saleswoman in Napoleon Dynamite.

As my mind bopped from one thought to the next I somehow wound up thinking about the scene from Pretty Woman, which we all someday want to experience, with Julia Robert’s body and smile, which goes without saying. The shop assistant walks up to the newly coifed Julia and asks her if she can help her to whom she responds, “I was in here yesterday, you wouldn’t wait on me. You people work on commission, right? …Big mistake. Big. Huge. I have to go shopping now.” I love these lines, so well delivered and the message filled with spunk and common sense.

How I was transported from Atlanta in 2008 to Rodeo Dr. in 1990 I will not question, but the ride was enjoyable and the flashback humorous. All of us worry sometimes as we walk into a store that we aren’t dressed appropriately, are not are in the right spot, or simply not stylish enough to wear what is on display. The simple truth though is you SHOULD be viewed as a blank canvas when you walk in any retail establishment; start from scratch. While this isn’t the case many times, don’t fault yourself, your looks, your style, or demeanor. For just like Julia Roberts, for every one door that will not open there will definitely be another willing (and ready to accept your MasterCard, Visa, or Amex). In our too quick to judge society it is hard to sift through the great actors and fabulous pretenders to see the common decency and good nature located within most of us. During the next few days I know I will be dealing with all walks of life, and personally I cannot wait for the diversity, entertainment, and theatrics that are getting ready to begin.

In the words of the renowned actress, Audrey Hepburn, “Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it’s at the end of your arm, as you get older, remember you have another hand: The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others.”

 “For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.”  - Lily Tomlin

            Last Wednesday night I had just beat myself-up in normal cardio-junkie fashion at the gym and was getting ready to head home when I hopped in my car and…nothing.  My car wouldn’t start, an SOS light came on, and then the key wouldn’t even come out of the ignition.  As the flames began to funnel from my ears and the tears started to stream down my face, I crumbled, let me rewind my story and fill you in a little on “my car” situation.  The car I was driving at the time, which I drove for three weeks before finally receiving my rightfully owned automobile back from the dealer, was a loaner.  It was one of those new ones where you insert a square block like piece and then punch a “start” button.  Gone are the days apparently where you actually turn a key to get your engine to start.

            Taking my car in for a routine oil replacement I was struck with some rather unpleasant news.   As I watched the customer service rep gallantly stride across the floor to where I sat in a worn down leather chair, I noticed a look on his faced that seemed synonymous with “Houston, we have a problem.”  “Bad news” I asked. To which Chris the rep responded, “Ye..Not lookin’ so good mamn.   Seems like your oil is mixing with your coolant and we might need to replace your engine.”  Thankfully still under warranty I didn’t ask for the nitty gritty details, handed over my keys, and said no problem as long as I could have some wheels to drive while my car was being fixed.

            After two weeks of driving around in the loaner I called the dealership and let them have a piece of my mind, not that they could have cared two hoots…most likely playing solitaire as I carried on with my rant.   Assuring me that my car should be ready by the end of that week I hung up feeling semi-accomplished in my assertive phone call, and carried on with my day.  The next night though was when I was trapped in parking lot.  Beginning to shiver as the cold sweat soaked in, I got increasingly rabid with anger at my predicament.  I called the free Road Side Assistance, whose operator informed me that I had found myself in a real unfortunate situation, to which I wanted to respond, “Please tell me something I don’t know.”  I was told since the dealership was closed they could call me a taxi cab service and reimburse me later for the charge, and tow my car to nearest dealership. 

            What does a girl do when she is confused and frustrated with the world and her surroundings, well call her father of course.  My dad advised I get towed back to my apartment where I take care of things in the morning with a clear mind, fresh attitude, and full stomach (when my blood sugar levels decrease I become as lethal as a prison warden at Alcatraz).  After waiting for an hour and a half, the tow truck driver arrived and began to attach the car to the lift.  I hopped back in the car before it was put towed away to show Mario, the tow-truck driver the lights that were jumping out at me from the dashboard.  “Put your car in Park before you try and start the car Miss,” he said.  I looked down in pale disbelief as I noticed that I had in my haste put my car in gear before “pressing” start.  Acting as though this had just happened I moved it to park silently, and of course the car started. 

            As I drove home I started to laugh at what a tizzy I worked myself into for no reason.  I experienced an inconvenience that yes, put a damper in my evening’s plans, but did not in anyway risk my life, affect the rest of my week, month, or year.  

            I’ve always heard when life throws you lemons, make lemonade.  In my case, when life throws you stalled cars, sit back, call a friend to catch up, and make sure you are in park!

I must say I have to filter many of the forwards I receive; some make me laugh and immediately brainstorm what similarly witty friends I can forward it to, while others having me dashing for the delete button. I opened an email this morning that was a little on the corny and sappy side, but a good reminder for all women out there and figured I would share it with you all. The message is one of common sense but many times gets lost on us in the layers of self-doubt, self-pity, and stress we seem to accumulate.

The Truth of Circumstance…

Someone will always be prettier.

Someone will always be smarter.

Some of their houses will be bigger.

Some will driver a better car.

Their children will do better in school,

And their husband will fix more things around the house.

So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.

Think about it…

The most gorgeous woman in the world can have hell in her heart,

And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children.

And the richest woman you know,

She’s got the car, the house, the clothes…

Might be lonely.

Love you, love who you are.

Winner makes things happens, Losers let things happen.

So to all the winners out there go and make things happen for yourself in the New Year that stands in front of you. The world is at your fingertips and the potential endless. Have fun, experience new thrills, and go easy on yourself. We are all only human, which is a lovely excuse and a hard truth.

As I continue to recover from my New Year’s debauchery that left me drained and starting off 2008 in a flu-like coma I remind myself of one of my favorite quotes by Henry Miller, “The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.”

Miller’s words might resonate on a different level for each of us but when I came across the article discussing the disappearance of the 24 year old Georgia hiker, Miller’s words spoke in a more fatherly and guardian tone. A young girl hiking on New Years day with her best friend and most loyal companion, her lab, Ella, was not expecting her day, and life to end with being at the wrong place at the wrong time. To be aware in situations when we don’t think we need to have our guard up, or to be overly protective and laugh at our paranoia is far better than giving the benefit of the doubt. It is sad to see our world and society turn into a place where you can no longer trust your fellow hiker, but awareness can help cue you into the red flags that should be popping up.

The beginning of my New Years day was spent stumbling home in NYC after I had gotten separated from my friends and then walked for over two hours in the freezing cold to find my way back to my friend’s village apartment. When I returned at 5 am to her door, after asking strangers for directions and meandering along various side streets that circled me around the same dead-end loop several times over, I arrived “home.” Much to the surprise of all my late night pizza munching friends I was a) alive b) still the same smart ass I always am and c) was completely aware of what all had occurred during the past several hours when I had been “missing.”

The aim of life is to LIVE, but to be able to do so we must be cautious, make intelligent choices, and for the times we slip have our friends around to pick us up and laugh at our mistakes. We will all stumble (drunkenly or our out of clumsy behavior), but we each must pick ourselves back up and face each new day with a tenacious and strong-willed demeanor that lets the world know we understand the aim of life and we embrace it fully. Aware of our choices and possibilities we choose to make 2008 the best that has yet to come, knowing that “The aim of life is to live…”

When the clock tolls twelve on New Year’s Eve it will mark the kick off to fad diets, new exercise regimes, promises to be a better friend, spouse, or lover, and the list goes on. This morning I noticed the crowd at my gym had tripled and was mostly filled with new faces and determined “wannabe athletes.” However, amongst all the gym-goers, I couldn’t help but smell the scent of nervousness that ruminated in the air. How long can I keep running on this piece of plastic? Am I able to crank out another set? Can I maintain this grueling schedule for another week, month, year…FOREVER?

Carl Jung once said, “What you resist persists.” In the New Year think of what you’ve been avoiding and set out to face the skeletons you consistently keep cramming back in your closet. Whether you decide to get up 15 minutes earlier each morning to enjoy a cup of coffee in quiet solitude as the sun rises, grab lunch with friends with every Tuesday at your favorite local diner, or begin to tackle the photo album you said you were going to do five years ago. We’ve all heard and read the phrase, “A New Year, a New You,” but I disagree with this philosophy. The start of the New Year marks change, but not change in self. We should not attempt to try and change who we are, but rather attempt to alter bad habits we’ve accumulate over the years (procrastination, debt, or consistently arriving late to appointments).

Many New Year’s resolutions focus on body image issues (weight and diet), or lifestyle habits, but what we each of us is individually able to stick to long term is different. Moderation is key, and important to take into consideration when you go all out in January instead of pacing your efforts. Some of us will make resolutions to sleep more, learn a new sport, eat healthier, be eco-friendly, or perhaps to no longer make resolutions we know we can’t fulfill. The important issue to remember is life is short, memorable, and always unique so you need to enjoy each moment of the ride. Once you recognize this you just need to choose which car you want to steer you through the hills (hopefully mostly up, with an occasional downward dip to remind us we are only human), plateaus, and unplanned off-road excursions. Remember it isn’t the type of car you drive that determines your course, but rather how you drive the course that dictates your potential.

Happy New Year!

Most people think of dogs soley as the domesticated animal we have all come to know and love, but there are certain dogs that are born with a more distinguished purpose than to be your excercise mate, newspaper fetcher, or adorable furry friend.  Dogs like Beverly, a yellow lab who lives with her owner Krystle, in California, spend each day on a mission…a mission to continuously be her owner’s life-saver. 

Dogs for Diabetics, is a non-profit agency located in Concord, California, trains animals to detect hypoglycemia by sniffing for subtle scent changes.  Before Krystle adopted Beverly she was prone to seizures that result from low glucose levels, despite her daiy testing, which can sometimes add up to more than ten times a day.  Now, the 22 year-old public health major at the University of California, Berkely, can go to bed knowing Beverly will wake her if needed, and wake her she does.  Beverly sniffs Krystle throughout the night to make-sure she maintains a healthy glucose level, and if she notices a decline she proceeds to plop all 55 lbs of her hefty lab body onto Krystle to alert her of potential danger.

The ability of a dog to act in ways that modern medicine has been unable to develop solutions is truly incredible.  Beverly is no ordinary pet, but she is only one out of a world full of heroic dogs.  As a dog-owner and dog-lover I couldn’t resist giving the lime light to a well deserved pooch. 

“To err is human, to forgive, canine.”  Author Unknown

To learn more about Dogs for Diabetics go to http://dogs4diabetics.com/

Checking my inbox I found an email my mother had forwarded from my uncle who is in the hospital undergoing monthly chemo sessions.  During his six-day stint he sends out a daily email on his status, along with dishing out some inspirational and wise (usually witty) words.  My uncle Bob always manages to keep his chin up, head held high, and spirits raised no matter the adversity he is facing.  It is people like him who are able to overcome the obstacles which seem like brick walls to others.  His latest email began with the lines from a classic Christmas carol, only the words were adapted to fit his own scenario.  While there is no partridge in a pear tree for Bob, he wrote:

In typical Bob fashion, he approaches one of the most grueling experiences with a sense of humor that leaves even the shallowest of souls feeling full.  There will be days when we don’t want to face the challenges brought before us, feel trapped by our own surroundings, and prefer wallowing in self-pity instead of facing the reality of our circumstance.  While at times we might see the grass as being greener on the other side, just know that the lawn probably is fed a better fertilizer than your own.  Be the best caretaker of your own garden. Accept the weeds as they pop-up, pull them out when extractable, and when the roots are deeper than you anticipated, ask a neighbor to lend a good spade. Each of us is dealt a different hand to play in life, but remember: “a bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn.” Author unknown.